For many marriages today, they are nothing at all like what you see on TV.  Marriage takes a large amount of work and effort and if you aren’t totally committed to the process, you are on a fast track to failure. 

Too many people go into marriage feeling like it is easy to get out of if it doesn’t work.  That is the first blunder people make; they should be thinking about how to make their marriage continue and not how simple it is to get out of it if things get bumpy in their relationship.

The first year of a marriage can be particularly challenging.  You are getting used to being a married couple, which is quite different than just being a dating couple.  Even if you lived together before you got married, the dynamics of the relationship change and likely can cause stress and strain on a marriage.  You will be learning new things about your spouse that you might not have known about before.  If that is the case, you might want to check out, “1000 Questions for Couples” for some very insightful questions you might want to ask.

Here are some practical guidelines you can use if you sense your marriage might have a problem:

Talk: I can’t emphasize this enough; the most essential item you can do is communicate with each other.  You are going to get on each other’s nerves and you will have marriage problems; no doubt about it.  All those small minor items that really aren’t so bad will start to add up and can cause major challenges down the road.  At the first sign of irritation, start talking.

Don’t forget to keep on dating:  Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to stop dating each other.  Too many couples get content in their relationships and begin to take each other for granted.  You have to continue to make each other feel wanted and prized; this is a main issue with a lot of couples.  One of the major reasons people feel like they are in a gloomy  marriage is because they don’t feel like their spouse needs or treasures them anymore.

Don’t involve family or friends:  When you have a disagreement, don’t go running to your family and friends and talk terrible about your relationship problems with them.  Instead of running to your family you need to be running to each other and talking to each other about your problems.  You need to be learning the art of making up and how much that part of marriage is so crucial.  You can find some fascinating ideas and guidelines by reading “The Magic of Making Up” to help you find the correct words to say at those relatively difficult times.

Keep romance alive: There may be occasions when you can’t stand to look at your spouse’s face, but you have to remember, this is the person who you fell in love with and given your promise to spend the rest of your life with.  There has to be something about him or her that you were drawn to so remember what that is and rekindle the fire. 

Don’t give up so quickly; marriage is a long term promise and you have many years to work on it.  If you are having trouble and want to save your marriage, you have to work together to make it work.  For some ideas and assistance on saving your marriage, check out “Save My Marriage Today” for some useful thoughts and strategies. Your marriage won’t save itself; you have to be in control.